The Unpopular Table
by Tweek'd
Summary: Pip, Damien, Dog Poo, and Scott Malkinson aren't the most popular kids at school. They discuss what they think of Cartman and their group. Rated T for naughty language. Oneshot.


This is just a bunch of conversations that I imagine happening at the "less popular than even the 4 boys" table. The kids I had sit at the table were Pip, Scott Malkinson, and Dog Poo, and Damien. 'cuz it seemed like fun.

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I'm Scott Malkinson; I have a lisp and diabetes

Yeah. I do. And it isn't nice how other people make fun of me for it, especially that fat fuck Eric Cartman. If anyone should be made fun of it should be him. Not me. I don't deserve that crap. Though, I didn't exactly fight it when they asked me to hang out with him and his friends.

Little did I know that I would only be made fun of excessively and then be dumped right after the whole High School Musical fad died down. Who was to expect that, I mean, I thought atleast they'd hang out with me for a bit more, but nooo. They didn't even let me down gently like they did with Butters, they just kinda ignored me when I tried to talk to them at lunch.

I sighed and slinked back to my lunch table, with the other kids who weren't the most popular of the bunch. "'ello Scott!" A cheery, British voice came from next to me. I sat down next to Dog Poo, a brunette with a brown stain on his cheek of something noone knew what it really was, nor really wanted to.

"Hey Pip…" I sighed out, looking at the blonde boy next to me. "I'm not really in the mood to talk." I, most of the time, avoided saying words that ended in the letter "s," as that letter mostly ended out sounded like either "sh" or "th"

"Oh dear, whatever is the matter?" Pip had taken off his hat the lunch table, as it was not that of a gentleman to wear it. Damien, the son of the devil('nuff said) was sitting next to Pip, and as soon as he took off the hat Damien had grabbed it and started filling it up with mashed potatoes. He still really wanted to not be sitting at this table, and everyone could tell. Except Pip, who was still completely oblivious to everything Damien did to him.

"It'sh thothe guyth, they jusht dumped me." _Damnit, can't avoid using the fucking "s!" _I thought, while I played with the peas on my plate, not really wanting to eat anything. "Pip, you're lucky, atleatht thothe guysh acknowledge you, hey wantsh my cookie?" Dog Poo raised his hand, and I passed it to him.

Dog Poo sighed, "Yeah, you're really lucky. I've hung around with those guys for a long time and they still don't even notice me. They probably still consider me a 'prop' and not a real person. I didn't even make it far in the new friend competition. But you did. All the way to the baseball game where you asked for tea." This made him laugh, and Damien finally mutter a chuckle.

Pip seemed surprised, and with a hint of sadness in his voice he said, "They are really a horrible bunch, you really don't want to be associated with them at all." He took a polite sip of his tea, and turned back to them. "

"They may be horrible, but they have thome good thingth, don't they?" I heard myself saying, I mean, Cartman did get whatever he wanted from him mom, and even Kenny, the poor one, had a PSP.

"Yeah, if you count things as stuffing yourself with too many sugary foods, having a bitch mother, having your dad being horrible when he's drunk, and being dirt poor good." Dog Poo chuckled to himself, taking a bite out of the cookie. "I think I'd prefer just being good ol' me. P.S. The horribly drunk comment was for Stan, though I realize it could probably work for Kenny. "

Two things were heard at the table from that remark, both under their breath but both also heard easily from others. The first was from me, after I had put down my fork. "Atleatht they can eat sugar." After getting a sympathetic look from Pip, he gave the second comment: "Yeah, and I'd rather have drunk, bitchy parents than none."

"Pfft, you guys don't count, thought I wouldn't mind being Kenny, he goes and comes from Hell as he pleases, but I have to live there, but Dirt(that's Dog Poo's other nickname)'s talking about normal kids, like him, not the son of the devil, French Orphans or Diabetic kids with lisps." Damien spoke up, finally. He pushed a hand through his black hair, and flipping Pip's cap over, knowing the mash potatoes would stick to it. "Anyway, I was just getting accepted by those assholes before my dad made me move for a week and I came back and everyone completely forgot about me."

"Yeah, sucks to be you more than anyone, huh?" Dog Poo laughed again. I sighed and put my head down on the table, only to hear Damien yelp: "Ouch! God damnit, you french asshole!"

I lifted my head up again to see Pip angrily staring away. "For the last time, Damien! I'm not French, and I get to be quite disturbed when you call me so." I looked back to Damien, and his nose was bleeding. I covered my mouth and started to giggle, never call Pip Pirrup french. He hates french people.

"You got what you athked for." I punched the antichrist playfully on the arm, making him stare at me angrily, I just shut up before he got any more frustrated. Then the bell rang. I jumped up, grabbed my tray to throw away my food, put on a mock Cartman voice, and said: "Thcrew you guysh, Ahm goin' home." Pip giggled, and Damien made a slight smile.

As I was walking away, I heard Pip scream out in a cry of terror. I turned around, to hear him yelp out: "Oh deary me! I must have spilled mashed potatoes in my hat! Quite clumsy of me!"

I giggled again. Maybe being unpopular wasn't so bad.

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Meehee! Over 1000 words, are you not proud of me? It's like, 1110 words or something. :)


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